Admitting Failure and Moving On
I’m sitting here, putting off writing this post because it makes me uncomfortable. Every part of my being wants to keep all my failures locked up tight where no one can find them. But out of failure come growth. So, here it is. Me. The good and the bad. My failures and my goals.
Failures of 2010
— That whole ThreeSixFive thing? Yea, I failed. Life got in the way. School; family; dog. But what I learned was that the feeling of having to photograph something, made me want to do it less. I found that I was taking boring photos of nothing. Hence why there haven’t been photos from late November. I actually continued through December, but didn’t ever post the photos. They lacked creativity and motivation. Maybe that’s the point of doing a project like that. To learn to be creative. Or maybe just to make time for photography every day. That’s hard for me.
— Focus. Not the whole I need to have a direction for my business/self/life. Well, maybe my life does need that, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean I feel like I had an unusual amount of out-of-focus images this year. I’m not really sure why, because some photos come out tack sharp. I’ve tried not shooting as wide open, but still not right. So I asked my buddy Chris, and he thought maybe my shutter speed was too slow. So I went back and looked at some of my settings and that didn’t seem right. Well, when I got to thinking about it, it might be my focus/recompose method. I might move backward or forward slightly when I recompose, making my photos fall out of focus. Or my camera is broken. Who knows.
— Blogging. I haven’t been a total failure at this, just mostly in the past month or so. It’s hard to get the courage to blog if I don’t have photos to post. Then I have to post about my life, which is, unfortunately, pretty boring. I’m not outrageously witty, clever, or crafty. So then all I’m left with are my feelings. And sometimes it’s hard to put those out for everyone to read. But I suppose this blog should be for me. As my own documentary of my journey. And my feelings are a huge part of that.
Goals for 2011
— Shoot 3 weddings with experienced photographers. Not only do I want to learn everything I possibly can, I want to build my portfolio as well. In all reality, this number should be higher, but I’m scared. Scared of more failure. Scared of the unknown. And scared of trying to network with new photographers. Especially photographers in the area. Mostly I’m afraid they won’t want to help me and I’ll get rejected. I don’t do well with rejection.
— Take more photos of daily life. I may or may not try the whole 365 thing again. But what I need to do is photograph more of my life. I’ll never be in this part of my life, and I want to remember it. And I want my children to see it someday. And my grandchildren. I don’t necessarily care if they are photos from my Canon, a point and shoot, or my phone, but I want to document it.
— Print. I want my walls to be covered with photos. I want to fill photo albums with the pictures I’m going to take (see above goal). The first photo I want to print? This one. And many more. Digital is nice, but there’s just something about a printed photo.
— Blog. For all the reasons listed in the failure above.
I’m excited for 2011, but also scared. I know I will have many more failures, many more missed shots and life will be out of focus at times. But I will keep going along this road, wherever it takes me.